she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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