They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
