my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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