the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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