here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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