Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
