Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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