There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
