I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
