I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
