this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
