I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
