If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
