hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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