from now on my penis is your penis
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
