I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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