i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
