dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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