I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
