My balls are so social today.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
