I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
