There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
