thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
