So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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