We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
