I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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