i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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