just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PANTIES FOUND
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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