you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
