I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize