It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
smell my finger.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize