So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
