It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
