You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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