yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
