Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
