my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
