You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How does one acquire holy water?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
