I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Did I show you my penis last night?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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