3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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