He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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