the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize