Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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