textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
