happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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