You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
