Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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