I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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