he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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