hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
