I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
