nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
