I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
