Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
