So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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