My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
