She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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