get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
