just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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