Already got asked if we're dating
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
