I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this just has baby written all over it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize