so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
