Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
