I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
