I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
