youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
