Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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