i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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