did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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