I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
