no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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