This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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