You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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