You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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