I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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