There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
