He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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