My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
