I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
