He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
