Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize