a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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