just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ttyl tear gas
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
