Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize