Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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