Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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