I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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