New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
