Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
