I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize