Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
