i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
