Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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