when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
