Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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